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Healing, Education, and Weight Loss Centre - Waimarama International - Rotorua, New Zealand
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Close to Death Closer to GodNovember 04 2014


Thirty thousand American citizens commit suicide every year. The elderly age group make up the largest number of suicides yet it is only the eleventh most common cause of death . For teenagers, there are less numbers, however, it is the fifth most common cause of death. Males make up the highest numbers in both groups with adult suicides more likely to be well planned, often involving a firearm. In the youth group, for every suicide there are one hundred attempts at suicide which depicts a more spontaneous action of desperation, often a ‘call for help.’

In a country as small as New Zealand (4 million total population) we have approximately 550 deaths to suicide every year with the highest proportion being retired older male adults and Maori / Pacific Island male youths. This latter group increased by 40% in 2012. With $62m per annum being spent on youth suicide and youth mental health programs the figures do not decrease so it is clear that we are just ‘scratching the surface’ of this global problem.

There are more obvious reasons for suicide in our elderly; a sense that their life is over, intolerable illness and associated pain, or the loss of a life partner leading to depression and loneliness.

Why are the statistics so high for youth suicide and suicide attempts?  This age group is considerably more likely to have their health and a future to look forward to involving career and family. It is a time of tremendous possibility but can also be a time fraught with stress and worry. There is pressure to fit in socially, to perform academically, and to act responsibly. Adolescence is also a time of sexual identity and relationships which are severely affected by childhood sexual abuse which sadly continues to increase and that is only the cases we know about. There is a need for independence that often conflicts with the rules and expectations set by others. The likelihood of suicidal thoughts is 95% higher when using drugs and alcohol.

What is common to all suicides is the feeling of utter hopelessness; a life without purpose or   reason to live. There are many community groups and churches that go to great effort to assist and entertain the elderly and create youth groups which can give teenagers a sense of family and belonging, but on the whole our societies are bereft of spiritual guidance and truth. This is of no fault to those offering it; more to do with what is now a long history of spiritual disconnection. People have rebelled against the

Christian teachings of an oppressive, judgemental God which has left a gaping hole of nothingness for many generations of youth, including those that are now becoming the elderly. Without spiritual truth there is no sense of future for there is no connection to the unlimited potential of the great I AM presence, that which we call God, that which is life everlasting.


-    A small child with a vacant, daydreaming face has just ‘popped out’ as his way of getting closer to his I AM presence; closer to God.

-    The spiritual student experiencing deep meditation is closer to God.

-    The Grandparent who laughs with the child is closer to God.

-    The woman who cares for the animals and respects nature is closer to God.

-    The writer, composer and dancer are closer to God

-    The man who loves the quietude of fishing as he watches the sunrise, is closer to God.

-    The business woman that has one more glass of wine, as her muscles relax after a hectic day, is closer to God.

-    The young man that jogs one more mile until his endorphins break through like a hot summer’s day, is closer to God.

-    The couple that reach orgasmic heights, are closer to God.

-    The sports person in the exaltation of winning gold, is closer to God.

-    The businessman who enthusiastically clinches the million dollar deal, is closer to God.

-    The taste of exquisite food is closer to God.

-    The outdoor enthusiast hurtling down a rapid or leaping from an aeroplane is closer to God.

-    The methamphetamine addict that feels unstoppable energy and power, is closer to God and in the days of exhaustion that follows, when he would rather die, he still yearns to be closer to God.

Whether we are conscious of our desire for greater spiritual connection or not, we all have our ways of finding ‘light’ relief, love, and bliss, all of which are our essence, that which is God. We have an innate knowingness, a dim, dark memory that our ability to feel love and our state of real joy is who we really are, so we will pursue whatever connects us to that feeling. The bliss of floating free of the body in deep meditation, using drugs and alcohol or the ‘high’ of winning, all seek a similar spiritual bliss however those that are achieved from an external source are fleeting and require repeating to maintain any sense of on going satisfaction. I fondly call them ‘the back door to heaven’. They are the windows from which we observe ‘heaven’ and touch on bliss which ceases as soon as life throws us another ‘curve ball’ which brings up feelings of  grief, anger, resentment or worry.The only connection to God that is enduring, that overlaps all other aspects of our life, is our journey within. To experience true ‘heaven on earth’ is to stay conscious whilst in deep relaxation as the brain wave pattern changes from Beta (active) to Alpha (deep relaxation) to Theta (conscious spiritual state) before Delta (deep sleep). The conscious spiritual state is a place of bliss that is our essence, our enlightenment to God, our true nature.

Without the practice of deep meditation Theta is a momentary state just before sleep. To experience this state consciously, is the journey within. It is referred to as enlightenment because it is the awakening to the self, the I AM, that which has always been.

An open heart is the bridge for the spiritual being to be fully present in physical form. It washes clean the etheric and emotional energy fields to heal past hurts and trauma. The higher frequency energy we then access, bubbles like a river of joy which when combined with lofty thoughts is a power that can manifest abundance in this world effortlessly.

Our insistence on closing our heart through thoughts of hatred, resentment or judgement is our way of avoiding our own feelings of hurt and trauma.

To die, is to return to a higher frequency of spirit and be closer to God, until another physical incarnation is required, so even death or Suicide is but a fleeting visit, closer to God.

Our mission, should we choose to accept it, is to live in physical form AS God. All loving, all light, all giving in every thought, action and deed. That is what the great teachers came to show us, to love at all times is to live as our

I AM presence, to fully awaken.

“But I say unto you. Love thine enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you and pray for them which despitefully use you and persecute you.”

Mathew 5.44

Jesus said “ Father forgive them, for they no not what they do” 

Luke  23:34

“Love one another as I have loved you”

John 13:34

Suicide is as much a spiritual problem as it is a social problem within our communities. Teenagers in particular have many questions about who and what is God and why are we here? The elderly want to know why should I stay and where am I going?

My motivation for writing my stories with the lessons I have learned is to provide answers to some of these questions, activate enthusiasm for the personal spiritual journey within and especially, to show our youth that it is through their mistakes that they learn. These are not times to give up, but times to

dig deep within, to find your power and inner strength to face life’s challenges.  Kia kaha (be strong).

Do not be overwhelmed, blame others or remain a victim in your life. Instead, find a hunger for spiritual wakening until you know that you are a part of the whole; you matter personally as much as we all matter collectively. You are not alone but a part of all physical matter, here to co-create with God through your ability to love and to know the truth about the great being that you are. Your mighty I Am Presence.


 A fact or belief that is accepted as true. The emergence of scientific truths the fundamental truths about mankind.

Oxford Dictionary.

“Know the truth and the truth shall set you free”

 (John 8:32)

 I AM the

illuminating, revealing presence. I AM the wisdom, the perception and the power that brings everything before me that I might see and understand. Through my I AM presence, I compel everything I need to know, to be revealed to me.

‘I Am discourses

volume 3’  St Germain Press


On International Children’s Day the launch for the book was held here at Waimarama International. Attended by 50 people including close friends, family. it was a wonderful day of celebration and acknowledgement of who we really are.

By waimarama on March 03 2015

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